Sunday, May 23, 2010

what year is it again?

i finally understand why a lot of people hate the idea of me and my man. it's the feeling of being rejected. it's a powerful emotion that took me 4 years to figure out.

(in addition, of course, to those who see cultural issues with our union. but that's for a whooooole other blog post on a different day)

it's the very same way I used to feel when I was unfulfilled and unloved, and saw a beautiful black man with a white girl. what a disservice I did myself by not taking the time to understand why he might have chosen her; by not taking the time to think he might just love her...

most think that I'm with a white man because of something a Black man did to me. therefore just because he and are together, taking strolls down the street, people think I am "doing" something to them ... saying "look, you fucked up too many times, brotha, look what you made me do!"

why does that have to be the reason? so simple, and i'm gonna need many of you to stop and really examine your life. are you feeling rejected?

ever have someone tell you something, then you automatically get defensive and start to speak and act out of emotion? well you might have just been rejected. stop talking, stop reacting; take a deep breath, analyze what inside of you feels dissed, THEN you'll probably have nothing more to say.

i always had a good Black man in my life... still do. always will.

a man came into my life who loved me, all of my flaws, my bad habits, and wanted to take care of me and protect me from the harshness of the world. he didn't make me feel like I had to change anything. he taught me to embrace my flaws.... to see their purpose and to learn to laugh at them. to not take life so seriously.

...and why would I deny myself that? I love myself too much to allow unhappiness to rent space in my life. with all of the horrible things that happen everyday that one cannot control, when we CAN control the amount of smiles in our lives, we MUST.

one day, he and I were strolling up 125th in Harlem, and a street vendor yells to me "ya cracker lovin' bitch." it was a reality check for me. it made me realize how our union can evoke such strong feelings in people. but just as much grief we receive for our love is also how much praise we receive for following our hearts. and that is what we choose to focus on.

i'm not tryna be a fucking martyr. i just want to live my life, be happy and make the world a better place by welcoming love, fearlessly following my dreams and being passionate about ... well, everything! we look fly together ;) in the words of the immortal Royce da 5'9" ... "FUCK ya'll."


  1. Continue to do you boo! Can't nobody live your life but YOU. And yes, you two do look fly together:)

  2. Great Post Camille!!

    When's your anniversary?

  3. @ Patrice thanks lovely :) I will!

    @ the lioness, thank you! well.. we kinda forgot the exact date we hooked up, so we have picked an arbitrary date of June 1st, or 2nd of every year! .. just kinda when 1 of us remembers :)

    So it's coming :)

  4. proud of you, proud to be with you...

  5. love this post girly!! i get the same thing!!! people need to wake up! its the slight negativity and the side glances that get to me! i just think to myself my man is hot!!!!!!!! (sooooo hot!) get over yourself! lol!
    you make a beautiful couple!!!

    i love you and your blog! were can i get me that shoulder jewellery right there??? (sorry change of subject!!)

  6. *MUAH*

    Me and my melanin-challenged dudeguy have also been on the receiving end of odd stares, and I'm glad no one has gone as far as the person in your story (how dreadful!).

    You broke this down SO well, Camille. I used to give mixed couples the side-eye until I knew what it was like to fully love myself and allowed myself to extend that love to all people, as a citizen of the world, yo.

    He loves me (many, many) flaws and all. ANY man who can do that is worth the flack you get from outsiders.

    Besides, you two look amazeballs together. =P